Team Rocket On-Line
by Friezaess
Summary: Our favourite trio of villains has gotten hooked up to the internet! Everything's going along smoothly, that is, until James stumbles upon a sinister website involving... well, you'll just have to read! rated S for Stupidity!
1. Default Chapter

TEAM ROCKET ON-LINE  
  
Author's note: This was done in a really short amount of time, and is rather stupid. Ah well. Oh, and I' don't own Pokemon... YET! ^_^  
  
Another day had gone by for our friends in the Poke-verse. Another day where Ash had a pokemon battle with some wanker, won through dumb luck, and danced around in little circles with that annoying yellow rat that he has. (Little does he know that the lil' bastard is secretly plotting to kill him, along with Togepi, who not many people know has spent time in a maximum security prison.) And as usual, Team Rocket had made their appearance and said their motto in an attempt to get Pikachu (seeing that for some reason, they couldn't go after someone else's Pikachu instead. That would be so wrong, wouldn't it? ^_^!). And of course, they've gotten blasted off in the space of a few minutes. Nothing we haven't already seen. Now, the villanious trio that is Jessie, James and Meowth are hiding out in a Team Rocket cabin for the night, which is located in one of the vast array of forests that seem to cover the entire Pokemon world. Actually, James isn't with his two counterparts at the moment. He's gone off on a 'secret mission', and Jessie and Meowth are passing the time with…  
  
Jessie: Full house! Read 'em and weep, furball!  
Meowth: Oh yeah? Five aces! *slams his cards down on an over-turned crate they're using as a table* Take it off, take it off, take it off!  
Jessie: Dammit! *starts taking off her jacket when..* Hey, did you say five aces?  
Meowth: Uh… no.  
Jessie: Why you little..! *the two get in a cat fight, just as James walks in the door carrying a package*  
James: Hey you two, look what I got! *steps over the battling duo and opens his package on the makeshift card table* Ta da!  
*Jessie and Meowth look up*  
Jessie: A laptop? *stands behind James as he boots up*  
James: You betcha!  
Meowth: How did ya get one of dem? Did ya steal it?  
James: No, I got it from the Team Rocket HQ. *shows them the big red 'R' on the top of the laptop* They said that I had been such a great employee, I deserved to get this nifty piece of software to help further my skills!  
Jessie: *pauses* You stole it off Mondo, didn't you?  
James: *sweatdrops* Uh… hey look, it's on! Let's get on-line! *clicks on the IE logo, and the Yahoo! Homepage pops up.* What do you guys wanna check out?  
Meowth: I dunno. We could always check out pokemon.com.  
Jessie: Pfft, that lame-ass site that says we're twelve years old? Forget it! Hey James, type in Team Rocket and see what comes up.  
James: *typing* Okay, but Team Rocket's a top secret criminal organization, do you really think there'd be any webpages dedicated to… *sees '1365 matches' come up on the screen* Oh. Which one should we go to?  
Meowth: Well, let's start at the beginning! Click on that first one- 'Team Rocket's Rockin'' ((AN: I'm just making this page up, so if it really does exist out there in cyberspace, it's not the one I'm reffering to J))  
James: *clicks* Hey look! It's got a pic of us three on the homepage, guys!  
Jessie: US?! How did WE get on the internet?  
Meowth: That's creepy. Maybe someone's watchin' us!  
James: *clicks on the 'Biographies' section* I wonder what's here. *screen comes up with as much attainable information on Jessie, James and Meowth as is humanly… well, attainable*  
Jessie: What's all this?  
James: Yikes! How could they know all this stuff about us?!  
Meowth: Yeah, and where'd they get all dose pictures from?  
James: *clicks on the back button, then goes to the 'Galleries' section* Look, there's more!  
Jessie: Look, it's got that picture of me and you when we were in the balloon after the Jessiebell incedent, James! I thought we were the only ones there!  
James: Obviously not! How else could they have gotten all these pictures? And look, there's pictures of us when we're camping, chasing Pikachu… hey, isn't that one from the time we were sinking on the Saint Anne?  
Meowth: Dis is freakin' me out! I'm gonna get myself a saucer of milk! *scampers off*  
Jessie: What should we do?  
James: *now checking out the 'Fan Contributions' section* I don't know. Maybe we could e-mail them and ask about how they got all this stuff.  
Jessie: Maybe… what if they don't reply? Or if they come after us?  
James: I guess there's only one way to find out.  
Jessie: Wait, we have to plan what we're gonna say very carefully. And maybe we shouldn't tell them that it's really us e-mailing them. I'm gonna get a pen and paper and write a few drafts.  
James: Yeah. You can never be too sure, this person might track us to this cabin if they know it's us e-mailing them.  
Jessie: *nods, and walks off to start writing some drafts*  
James: *In the 'Fan Art' section of the page. As he scrolls down past various artists' names, he sees a word he has never seen before* Hey Jess? What does 'hentai' mean?  
Jessie: *in another part of the cabin* I don't know. It sounds Japanese.  
James: Oh well, I guess I'd better find out. Maybe the person who's behind all this is Japanese. *Clicks on a link titled 'Team Rocket hentai', which is proceeded by a bunch of fan pics of Jessie and James… well, it IS hentai, I'll leave it to your sick, twisted imagination ^_^* Oh good God!!!  
Jessie: What is it?  
James: *speechless* I… I…  
Meowth: *coming to see what all the fuss is about* Hey James, what are ya lookin' a- *sees what's on the screen* AHHH, MY EYES, MY EYES!!!  
James: Hey look, this picture has you in there with us, Meowth! At least I think it's you… I can't tell from that angle.  
Meowth: *runs out of the cabin screaming*  
Jessie: *Walks up to him and looks over his shoulder, experiencing much the same reaction her partner had* Holy shit! That's it, we're e-mailing this freak right now! What's his e-mail address?  
James: Uh…   
Jessie: Well?!  
James: It's giovanni@team-rocket.com  
Jessie: HUH?!!  
  
Meanwhile, back at Team Rocket HQ  
Giovanni: *is putting up more Rocketshippy hentai on his 'Team Rocket's Rockin'' website* Hm, I'd better stop drawing all this crap and get back to work. After all, if I don't get much money this week, I might have to start closing down some of my Official Rocketshipper fan-clubs!   
  
Back at the cabin…  
*James has shut the computer down. He and Jessie are huddled in a corner, staring at the device as if it could jump up and eat them*  
James: AHHH!  
Jessie: What?  
James: IT MOVED! THE EVIL SATANIC HENTAI COMPUTER MOVED!!  
Jessie: *hits him with her fan* Get a hold of yourself, James! Just because there's some twisted stuff on the 'net dosen't mean that the computer's-  
Computer: Ahahahaha!!  
Jessie and James: AHHH!  
Computer: *in a deep monotone voice* I am Satan, ruler of all that is evil! Now listen, and listen well. You WILL return this computer to Mondo. You WILL bow before the mighty Mondo. Jessie WILL marry *voice turns into that of a teenage-sounding kid* the mighty Mon… ah, stupid piece of crap! *kicks his voice distorting machine*  
James: Mondo, is that you?  
Mondo: Uh… no.  
Jessie: Mondo!! *glares daggers at the computer*  
Mondo: Okay, okay, it's me! I installed that Satan voice-over thingy in the computer for a Halloween party last year!  
James: Oh yeah, I remember that! You got completely drunk and danced around with your underwear on your head in front of Jessie!  
Mondo: Hey, shut up already! At least I wasn't the one trying to hump the sofa!  
Jessie: Actually you were.  
Mondo: … Can I have my computer back now?  
Jessie: No. We've just found a very disturbing site with… pictures of me and James on it. And get this, the webmaster's e-mail addtess is the same as the Boss's!  
Mondo: Oh, you mean Giovanni's 'Team Rocket's Rockin'' website?   
James: Wait a minute, you know about it?  
Mondo: EVERYBODY knows about THAT website, James! Did ya see the hentai section?  
Jessie: Of course we did, and it was the most horrible distressing thing we've ever seen in our lives! There was even a picture of me and you making out, Mondo! Don't you find that disturbing?  
Mondo: Oh, heh heh, I wonder who drew that picture? *blushing and shoving a few sketches under his matress*  
James: Well, is there any way we can get this site shut down?  
Mondo: Not likely. It's in your contract.  
James: WHAT?!  
Mondo: Yeah, at the very bottom in fine print it says 'if Jessie and James sign this contract, Giovanni is allowed to make strange and twisted websites dedicated to them'.   
Jessie: Damn, I knew I should've read the fine print.  
James: Waaaah!! This is so humiliating! Someone, please, make it go away!  
Mondo: Woah, take it easy Jimbo! Just think, right now thousands of people around the world are looking at pictures of you guys getting it on and thinking 'wow, these two are really flexible'!  
Jessie: *pulls out her mallet and smashes the computer*  
  
Meanwhile…  
Ash: *on a computer* Hey guys, look at this!   
Misty: *trying desperatly to teach Togepi some attacks* Ugh, what is it Ash? This had better be good!  
Brock: *cooking dinner* Yeah, what's so important that I have to risk burning our soup?  
Ash: Giovanni's updated his website!  
Brock and Misty: Ooo! *hurry over to the computer and take a look*  
Brock: Wow, these two are really flexible!  
  
Back at the cabin…  
Jessie: *is now whacking James with her mallot*  
James: Ow! Jessie, why are you *whack* OW! Why are you hitting me?!  
Jessie: *whack* Because I'm angry!!  
James: Can't you take it out on a stress ball or something?  
Jessie: Because there aren't pictures of me on the internet making out with a stress ball!  
James: Hey, it's not like I'm not feeling humiliated either!  
Jessie: *pauses* I s'pose you're right. *puts her mallot away*  
James: *sighing in relief* Jess?  
Jessie: What?  
James: Maybe no one will realise that it was us in those drawings.  
Jessie: What do you mean?  
James: Well, in most of them you could hardly see our faces anyway.   
Jessie: Grrr… *pulls out her mallot again*  
  
Meanwhile- hm, that's sounding repetative… I know! Whilst all this is going on…  
Psychiatrist: 'Hentai' you say?  
Meowth: Yeah… it was the most disturbing thing I've ever seen in all of my nine lives!  
Psychiatrist: Hm. Well, after assessing your mental health, I have concluded that this experience has made you clinically insane. *puts him in a straight-jacket* You will spend the rest of your life in a padded cell.  
Meowth: NOOOOO, ooooh, okay.  
  
The moral of this story: Never mix watching 'Pokemon' with lack of sleep!  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Default Chapter

TEAM ROCKET ON-LINE PART TWO: THIS IS JUST GETTING RIDICULOUS!  
  
Author's note: To understand this, you NEED to read the first part- http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=400185   
Oh yeah, and I still don't own Pokemon.  
Luv, Friezaess.  
  
Narrator: When we last left our heroes, or rather our villains, they had stumbled upon a website that contains... things that the 4Kids censor won't allow!  
4Kids: Guns, James in a women's body suit, someone mentioning the word butt and… HENTAI?!! What kind of sick twisted people in Japan created this show anyway?  
FUNimation: Hello, we're FUNimation! We mutilated- uh, I mean dubbed DragonBall Z. We've come to help you in your time of need!  
4Kids: What experience do you have?   
FUNimation: Basically, it's our job to screw up even the best of anime. We gave a powerful tyrant a girly voice, got rid of most of the blood in the battles thus ruining the mood completely, dumbed down the dialogue so that two year olds could watch it, and basically turned a great, action packed anime series into a little kids show!  
4Kids: Wow, good job! You're in!  
Friezaess: Screw up DBZ, will you? Leave out the part in 'Holy Matrimony!' where James says 'But I'd rather be with you forever' to Jessie, huh? Oh, I've wanted to do this for a loooong time! *pulls out her trusty machine gun and annihilates 4Kids and FUNimation, the two spawns of Satan.* Mwahaha! Now, on with the show!   
  
Jessie: Alright, I don't care if it's the Boss who created that site, heck I don't care if it was in our contracts, we've got to get it off the net! James, e-mail him telling him we won't take it!  
James: B-but Jess, you smashed the computer!  
Jessie: Grrr… fine. We'll just have to go see him in person.  
James: WHAT?! But this is the Boss we're talking about, we can't-  
Jessie: There's free donuts in his office. *James dashes past her in a blue and white blur*  
James: C'mon, hurry up, we gotta go talk to the donut! I mean the Boss!  
Jessie: Wait up, I'm coming, I'm coming!  
  
Elsewhere, walking through the same forest Team Rocket are in…  
Ash: What's that?  
Pokedex: Rock- a geological creation of nature.  
Ash: Geo-ma-logi-gol? Wow! I'm gonna capture it!  
Misty: Ash you idiot! It's just a-  
Tracey: Shhh, Misty, you'll scare it! I'm gonna sketch it!  
Misty: Where did you come from? In the first part of this godforsaken fic Brock was with us, not you!  
Tracey: I stabbed him in the brain with my pencil, heh heh heh.  
Togepi: Togi togi! (And I slit his throat! Hahahaha!)  
Ash: Pokeball, go! *Throws pokeball at the rock. But seeing that only Pokemon can go into pokeballs, the capturing device simply bounces off* Oh, it's good! I'm going to have to weaken it first. Pikachu, thundershock!  
Pikachu: Pika pi pi chu! (God this guy is a wanker. Oh well, if it'll shut him up…) PikaCHUUUUUU!! *Thundershocks the rock, but it has no affect considering that rocks don't absorb electricity*  
Tracey: Uh oh, it's looking mad! We've gotta get out of here or it'll attack us!  
Ash: No no no, it's fine! Look I can even walk right up to it and pat it! *Does so, but some of the electricity from Pikachu's attack still lingers on the surface of the rock, and Ash gets a small shock* Ahh! It's on a rampage! Let's get out of here!  
*Tracey and Ash run away screaming, with Misty trudging along behind*  
Misty: Damn it, I knew I was better off as a hoe!  
  
Meanwhile, walking in the opposite direction…  
James: Are we there yet?  
Jessie: No.  
James: Are we there yet?  
Jessie: No.  
James: Are we there yet?  
Jessie: No.  
James: Are we-  
Jessie: *WHACKS! Him with her mallet*  
James: Owww… hey look, it's the twerps!  
Jessie: Huh? *Sees Ash and Tracey running in there direction with Misty trailing them* Then they'd better… PREPARE FOR TROUBLE!  
James: And make it double!  
Jessie: To protect the world from devastation!  
*The twerp trio stops in front of them and starts giggling*  
James: To unite- hey, quit it!  
Ash, Tracey and Misty: *burst into uncontrollable laughter* HAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
Jessie: Hey! What's so funny?  
Ash: *trying to surpress laughter* Oh, it's *giggle* nothing! It's just that… that… HAHAHA!!  
Misty: *between giggles* Have you two, heh heh, looked on the internet lately?  
Jessie: Oh God, TELL me you guys aren't talking about what I THINK you're talking about!  
Misty: You mean that website with all those pictures of you and James… *giggles* doing it like they do on the Discovery Channel?   
Jessie and James: *fall over anime style*  
Tracey: Oh oh oh! What about that one pic where Meowth is getting in on the action?  
James: *covering his ears* LA LA LA LA LA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU!  
Ash: Or that one where James is upside down and Jessie is-  
Jessie: *cheeks turning as red as her hair* ALRIGHT, we get the point already! Ugh! Hey, wait a minute, what are you kids doing looking at that stuff anyway?  
Tracey: I WAS NOT JACKING OFF TO PICTURES OF JAMES!  
James: *pause* Uh, we never said you were.  
Tracey: Oh… excuse me just a moment. *runs away*  
James: *shudders* Oh great, now I'm screwed up for life.  
Jessie: What, and you weren't before?  
Ash: Hey Jessie, I'm picturing those images of you in my mind right now! *winks*  
Jessie: Why you little…! *whacks him with her fan, then with her mallet, then with Arbok!*  
Ash: Oh, so you like it rough do you? Heh heh heh!  
Jessie: *takes a step back* You little pervert! Kids your age aren't even supposed to have hormones!  
Misty: Actually, if you look on the internet there's tonnes of fics revolving around me and Ash getting it on.   
Ash: That's right! We may be only eight years old, but somehow I can manage an erection!  
Jessie and James: EEEEEEEEW!!  
James: Gross gross gross gross gross! Screw that stupid yellow rat, we're outta here! *He and Jessie speed past the two kids and continue on to their destination*  
  
Five minutes later…  
*bleep bleep! Bleep bleep!*  
James: *Pulls out his mobile phone* Hello?  
Giovanni: This is the Boss! Why am I still waiting on that Pikachu? How many times do you two have to screw up?!  
James: *pause* Please Boss, don't mention screwing right now.  
Jessie: Is that the Boss? Give me that! *snatches the mobile off James* Listen you try-hard pimp, we have a bone to pick with you! What do you know about a certain 'Team Rocket's Rockin'' website with hentai?!! And don't answer me in that damn annoying echoey voice, we all know you sound like Lucial Ball on helium!  
Giovanni: Eeek! I mean, uh, this isn't the Boss, this is his receptionist! The Boss is on a three week vacation to Mars! Bye! *hangs up*  
Jessie: *glares at the phone, then throws it into a nearby tree, smashing it to pieces*  
James: Hey, that thing cost me fifty bucks!  
Jessie: Oh it did not, you borrowed it off me and didn't return- aw man, I smashed my own phone! *bangs head repeatedly into the tree*  
James: Hm… hey Jess, I think I've got an idea!  
Jessie: *making cracks in the tree with her head* What?  
James: Well, it'll take a lot of will power, not to mention a lot of stomach, but I think we can pull it off!  
Jessie: Hm? *stops banging her head on the tree and walks over to James. Unfortunately, the cracks she made in the tree cause it to fall over, thankfully in the opposite direction to our beloved J & J… and on to Tracey*  
Jessie: I killed Tracey! Yay!  
James: Yay!  
The cast: Yay!  
The crew: Yay!  
The audience: Yay!  
The universe: Yay!  
Tracey: *twitching under the tree* No wait, I'm still alive! Yay!  
Everyone: Damn!  
*Everyone grabs a dagger and stabs him repeatedly*  
Everyone: Yay!  
Tracey: Ack… don't worry… *cough, splutter* I'm still… alive!  
Everyone else: Damn!  
God: *sends down a lightning bolt and kills Tracey, and sends him straight to Hell*   
Everyone: Yay!  
Satan: Damn!  
  
Jessie: ANYway, what's this plan of yours about James?  
James: *whispering so that only Jessie can hear*  
Jessie: Ok… I see… mmhmm… WHAT?!!  
James: But think about it Jessie, it's the only way!  
Jessie: Oh… grrr… alright.  
  
Two days later…  
Giovanni: *at his computer* Well, time to update my sick and twisted 'Team Rocket's Rockin'!' site again! *goes to the page, only to find...* WHAT THE…?!  
Website now reads:  
Greetings, Team Rocket fans! Thanks to a certain friend of ours, let's just call him Nondo, we have hacked into this site and re-arranged it to preserve Jessie and James's dignity! But don't worry, there are still plenty of things to do and see here, so come and take a look around at the new and improved 'Team Rocket's Rockin''!  
Giovanni: *quickly checks out all the sections to assess the damage. Most of the good stuff about Jessie and James has been left, like the bios and pictures, but as for the hentai…* Ahhhh! It's all pictures of me and Persian!! *retches* Oh my God, grooooooss!!   
Persian: Meow meow! (I don't know, Giovanni- I think it's kind of a turn on!)  
Giovanni: Ahhhh!! *jumps out a window*  
  
Meanwhile, in the computer lab in Team Rocket HQ…  
Jessie: *sitting in front of a computer with James and Mondo* And that is that!  
James: *sighs in relief* I'm glad that's over! Thanks for helping us hack into that awful site, Mondo!  
Mondo: *sounding disappointed* Sure, whatever. *sigh*  
Jessie: Hey, I'm feeling kind of peckish. What's say we go out and celebrate at an all-you-can-eat buffet?  
James: Wow, great idea! You coming Mondo?  
Mondo: Nah, I think I'll just hang around here for a while.  
Jessie: Suit yourself.  
*Jessie and James leave.*  
Mondo: *sigh* I'm gonna miss that website. I wonder if it even comes up on the search engine anymore. *Types 'Team Rocket hentai' into the Yahoo! Search engine. There's no 'Team Rocket's Rockin!', but…*  
Mondo: 1027 matches?!! Oh baby! *cracks open the champagne*  
  
Later that week, Mondo was found unconscious in front of the computer by a couple of employees. Doctors say that it was due to servere exposure to hentai, a deseise which has claimed many horny victims around the globe. Ash and Misty were both found dead. Autopsies found that the two children's hormone levels were so high for such a young age, they exploded. Brock now spends his days in Heaven, surrounded by scantly clad Nurse Joys and Officer Jennys (the dirty bastard!). Giovanni went to Hell after he killed himself, and now he and Tracey swap and discuss Rocket Hentai all day. Now that Meowth is in the mental institution, he spends all his days dosed up on morphine and talking to the walls about people who never existed. Jessie and James decided to get married after each secretly found the Rocket hentai arousing, much to the delight of Rocketshippers around the globe. Unfortunately for them, they were so- er- in the spirit of things that Jessie has now just given birth to their six hundredth child. The moral? Maybe the 4Kids censor isn't so bad after all!  
  



End file.
